Intelligent. Strong. Fun. Nice. Talented. Loving. Sophisticated. Exciting. Feminine. Masculine. Handsome. Pretty. Tall. Petite. Athletic. Curvy. Sexy. Beautiful. Spirited. Friendly. Skinny. Funny. Confident. Compassionate. Sweet. Creative. Ambitious. Hard-working. Amiable. Fit. Survivor. Sensitive. Courageous. Calm. Statuesque. Down to earth. Laid back. Tenacious. Driven.
Enough about me, let's talk about you.
Kidding, I'm kidding!
I know those are only a few of the thousands of adjectives we may use to describe ourselves. Yes, those are generally the more positive ones, but how often do we use the less positive ones? Hopefully, we're aware that they do exist and we are truthful with ourselves about how they pertain to us. There's nothing wrong with seeing yourself with rose-tinted glasses; it's actually a great coping strategy for getting along in such a competitive world. In order to sell ourselves, whether it be to a potential job, partner or friend, we have to believe in what we're selling. (If we're selling ourselves, does that mean we're our own pimps? Hmmm, ponderate on that.) But what happens when how we see ourselves collides with how we are behaving?
Yeah, my brain hurts too.
So are we lying to ourselves? Are we big ole hypocrites? Of course we are, we're human! As I've stated before, there's a certain level of denial that all of us operate under to protect ourselves from dwelling and ruminating on our flaws. However, when we continuously ignore the incongruence between our behavior and how we define ourselves, it's very easy to become emotionally and developmentally stagnant.
That probably makes more sense in my head. Here are some examples:
1. Your friend who always talks about how ready s/he is to get married and have children but is the epitome of commitment phobia.
2. The person who describes themselves as athletic but can barely breathe walking up the stairs.
3. Your co-worker who says they are hard-working but gets to work late, leaves early and passes their responsibilities on to others.
4. The person who says they are punctual but often shows up late.
5. Calling yourself a night-owl when you can barely stay up past 10 pm.
Of course, we are not going to be how we describe ourselves all the time. I would describe myself as intelligent, but do you know how many times I've parked in front of someone's driveway?! (It's by the grace of the parking angels that I haven't been towed...yet.) We all have our moments of contradictory behavior. However, there comes a point when your behavior may be an indication that you truly aren't the way you think you are.
This isn't necessarily a bad thing. It could be an indicator of growth and/or that we're engaging in healthier behavior. For example, a friend of mine would easily describe themselves as athletically challenged. Yet they've started training for a 5K event and go running several times a week. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Some people choose to ignore or find ways to justify their incongruent behavior. They tell themselves they can't do something or they can't change because of whatever
Although there were numerous reasons for me to leave Sexy Heroin alone a long time ago, none of them were compelling enough to me...until I started feeling like I couldn't respect myself. How I saw myself as a person and being involved with SH at the same time started to conflict. How could I truly be this self-aware, self-confident, and emotionally intelligent woman and deal with him at the same time? It didn't add up. I had 3 options: 1. continue to ignore these thoughts and feelings 2. change how I see myself to accommodate my unhealthy situationship or C. leave him alone so that I could continue believe myself to be all those things. I (finally) chose C.
I'll be damned if I have to start describing myself as a weak-willed, emotionally-flagellating sucker for bulls*it!
I often come across the examples you mentioned. I see it as harmless flaws in self-judgement. Personally, I try my best to judge myself honestly, but there are occasions where I will subconsciously make a statement my actions don't agree with. I think we tend to look at ourselves through an idealistic perspective when the situation arises. To me, there appears to be a general trend toward being that oh so elusive, shadowy and idyllic versions of ourselves.
ReplyDeleteAlso, has anyone ever told you that you are a really good writer? As a mathematician, I'm really feeling your logic and flow. Everything in the beginning sets up well for the tough but logical choice of C (when dealing with Sexy Heroine).
Keep up the good work! I love reading these.
Thank you so much for the compliment, it made my day! I've been out of town the past 2 Fridays, but there will be something next Friday. Keep reading!
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