The Lost Art of Conversation

Remember that time cell phones were used for talking? Yeah, I know, it's kind of a hazy memory, but remember? Remember how we picked up the phone, dialed a number and talked to the person on the other end? Remember? What happened?

Email, instant messaging and text messaging.

These forms of communication have become the way that many of us communicate with one another. It is having a profound impact on how we form, build and maintain relationships. I think in some ways, it's great to be able to shoot someone a quick message that you're on your way or that you'll call them back later.  However, I also believe that many people, particularly the younger generations, are using these methods in such a way that they are losing the art of conversation (not to mention the ability to spell) and the skills to form deep and connective relationships with others.

It seems like the more technologically advanced our communication is becoming, the less capable we are in actually communicating with each other. How many of us have been hanging out with a friend, only to have them constantly texting or IMing other people? How often do we pull out our phones to check if someone has emailed, texted or IMed us since we last checked 2 minutes ago? One time, I was out with a friend and observed two women having lunch together, but one was on the phone with someone else. I felt sorry for the woman not on the phone because really, she was eating alone. (The phone conversation was kind of a juicy though!)

The blessing (and the curse) of text messaging, email and IMing is that there is a certain layer of protection and anonymity. It's much easier to be vulnerable to someone over text than it is in person; if you tell them you love them, you don't have to see their facial expression (which hopefully would be alight with happiness and joy) or truly deal with how they react. However, if they don't respond right away, it can easily reinforce the insecurity you had about saying it to them in the first place. For example:

text1: I just wanted to say I love you.

(No response for over an hour)

text1: Uh hello? I just told you I love you.

(Still no response for another hour)

text1: I mean, you're really cool and all, I just sometimes tell people that I love them, but I

mean, not in a love love kind of way.

text2: Sorry, my phone died and I just got these texts. I'm confused. What?!

Even in this example, you get the gist of what I'm saying, but what about the tone? How do either of these texters feel? Who knows? (Okay, I do, but that's because I wrote it.)

There are always exceptions to the rule, but in most relationships, it's so much better to actually talk to the person. If there is a misunderstanding, it can be explained. If there are emotions involved, they can be clearly conveyed (unless the person is emotionally challenged, which is whole 'nother blog), especially when talking face to face. It's also a bit of a cop-out when you deal with more serious relationship issues without an actual conversation. (IT'S NEVER APPROPRIATE TO BREAK UP OVER EMAIL, INSTANT MESSAGING, OR TEXT!) Plus, our understanding of what's being typed is greatly influenced by our mood and our own perspective of the situation.

It's not to say that I haven't been guilty of doing some of these things. However, I try to really be present when I'm with other people and try to forewarn them if I have to respond to message or phone call in their presence. I also try to avoid incorporating text messaging in a new relationship, platonic or otherwise. There's nothing better than having a long conversation with a new friend. That's really one of the best ways to get to know someone. So the next time you pick up your phone, please keep this in mind: txt msging is 4 punx! ;)