Comfortably Miserable

Do you have that one friend/cousin/coworker that is perpetually miserable? The one where no matter how great things are for them, they manage to suck all the joy out of the experience? Yeah, you know who I'm talking about. They're probably sitting next to you, reading this over your shoulder right now, heavily sighing since they can't see it clearly because they need new glasses and they hate shopping for new glasses because they cost so much money for new frames and what if they don't pick the right pair for their face? Your conversations may go a little something like this:

You: You look great! Have you lost weight?
Whiney Complainerson: Yeah...but  none of my clothes fit and I have to buy a whole new wardrobe. Clothes cost money. 

You: Congrats on the promotion!
Whiney Complainerson: You know what they say - mo' money, mo' problems. Not to mention more responsibilities and higher expectations. I already feel stressed out just talking about it.

You: I like your new car!
Whiney Complainerson: It's great and all, but now I have a higher car note and the insurance has gone up.

You: I heard you have a new boo. Good for you!
Whiney Complainerson: Well, they have bad credit so I don't know how good they are for me really.

Clearly, they are a pleasure and a joy to be around. While some people are really good at finding the silver lining in most situations, this person only has eyes for the black clouds on the horizon, so much so, that they make sure they conjure some up when it's almost impossible to find any.

This may come as a shock but...once upon a time, I was this person. (If I am still like this, please send me a private message to screwyou@gmail.com.)

Here's my story: After finishing my master's degree, I decided to stay in New York (I hadn't hit quite all the bars yet and I still had some student loan money burning a hole in my pocket) and get a job. Although my intention was to work as a therapist, there were limited job opportunities available and I wound up taking a job as a program coordinator for an after-school program. It was a terrible job for me; it was nothing close to what I wanted to do and I quickly learned that working directly with behaviorally challenged children is not my forte. However, I kept a very positive attitude about it and complained minimally....so I believed. Color me shocked when my supervisor scoffed and actually said out loud "Ha! You?" when I shared with her my highly self-aware self-assessment of my nearly downright Pollyanna-ish demeanor in the work place!*

Was my misery that apparent? Why yes, yes it was.

Unbeknownst to me, I had become quite the Debbie Downer. Due to the sincere and deeply felt hateration for my job, nothing but complaints came out of my mouth. There was no way I could see out of my misery, making it incredibly difficult for me to put a positive spin on things. It was obvious that I had learned nothing in social work school (and an 80K refund was due to me immediately) about reframing and being strengths-based and blah, blah, blah, social work school mumbo jumbo words. Thankfully, I was eventually laid off and got to collect unemployment while I looked for and found the job I really wanted.

Despite the Disney ending to that story, my supervisor's words stuck with me. Since then, I've been working (sometimes hard, sometimes not so hard) at really trying to find the upside to some of the less happy-making situations in my life. As humans, it's very easy for us to focus on the negative. It takes a little more effort to find the positive side of things, especially when it seems like there are none. I challenge you (and myself) to start finding all the little silver linings in your life. Let's try:

Parking ticket? At least your $29,048 are going to improving the city.
Low on money? Now you'll have more time at home to work on those little projects you've been putting off! Or stop drinking....for real this time...no you really mean it because you can't afford to do it anymore.
Boss is a jerk? It could be worse...you could live next door to them or be related to them.

See? If we try hard enough, we can find an upside somehow. It takes practice and sometimes A LOT of creativity and imagination, but it is possible. It also makes life a little more pleasant when we focus on the brighter side of things. And if we can't find a brighter side, maybe that will motivate us to change our situation.



*Good thing we were on our way to happy hour because I could have been really offended by that and not having a drink to help me process those feelings could have made things awkward.