My Real BFF

Some friends and I decided to spend a warm, lovely Sunday at the beach. We weren't in a hurry, but since the weather in the Bay Area is fickle at best, we most definitely wanted to catch as much sun as possible. Books, sunscreen, stunner shades and water in tow, we hop in the car and get on the road. When we made a quick stop at the store for some snacks, it is there that I make a most shocking and angst-provoking discovery: I. Did. Not. Have. My. Cell. Phone. My heart started beating fast and my breath became shallow. OhmygodwhatshouldIdo? It was an internal (and seemingly eternal) struggle.

Inner diaglogue: Okay, this isn't the end of the world. I don't really need my cell phone. But we're only 5 minutes away from my house, I can just run upstairs and grab it. Where did I leave it? Obviously, not in my purse. I'm clearly getting old. Do I even have my keys? Yes, yes, I have the keys. No, I don't really need it. My friends have their cells. What if someone is trying to reach me? What if it's an emergency? Calm down. Remember that time when people could only call you on the house phone? And they had to leave a message at the sound of the beep? You can do this, you got it girl. Just take a deep breath. You'll be fine. You're a survivor, not goin' to give up...Did Beyonce really have that baby or did she pay someone else to do it? Ooh, chocolate!

We've become a cell phone dependent world. With it we take pictures, transfer money, locate the best Thai restaurant, send text messages and emails; sometimes we even use it as a phone (you know, to make phone calls - that's when you type in someone's number, your phone connects to their phone and if they answer, you talk to each other). You can go to the most marginalized, poverty-stricken neighborhoods around the world and everyone and their mama (family plan) has a cell phone. What once was a luxury and a just-in-case-of-emergency item has now become a "necessity." Even my technophobic father (begrudgingly) has a cell phone. While having a cell phone isn't necessarily a bad thing, it has seriously altered our way of life. More importantly, it has altered our relationships and how we interact with another.

Example 1
It's 6:32 on a Tuesday night. The phone rings. You're in the bathroom/grabbing something from the car/listening to your music really loud, so you don't hear it. Time passes (like 20 minutes) and you reach for your phone (I mean, you have been neglecting it). You see that you have 4 missed calls, 7 text messages and 2 voicemails...from the same person. One more time: 4 missed calls, 7 text messages and 2 voicemails, same person.

Once upon a time, that would be considered crazy. However, we have become so used to instant access, it no longer seems weird that someone stalks attempts to contact you repeatedly. How many times have you done this yourself? "Hey, why are you making me stalk you? I done called your cell phone, work phone, left you messages on both and texted you. Where you at?" This of course, is stated congenially and in a joking tone between friends/family/boos, but there is an underlying expectation: I should be able to reach you when I want. (Note: if this is said in a menacing and threatening tone, you should be afraid, very afraid.)

Example 2
You and Baby Boo are cuddled up on the couch, watching old tapes of Video Soul.* His/her phone rings; they pick it up, look at it (while stealthily shielding the screen from your eyes) and send it to voicemail. They put the phone back...face down. You pretend that it doesn't bother you, but you can't help but wonder who it was. Insecurities start to arise and even though you don't want to be nosey, you really want to know who's call they're ignoring.

Back in the day, when someone was creeping, they would never give up the home number; it was either the work, pager or cell phone number. But now, most people only use their cell phone as their means of communication. So while it's possible that they're not answer the phone because it's their side piece calling, it's also possible that it could be their stankin' ass mama or a bill collector ruining your evening with Donnie Simpson. If there are any trust issues in your relationship, it's the stankin' ass cell phone that could be contributing to and/or highlighting the problems.

Example 3
You and a friend go to a concert you've been wanting to see. You're really enjoying yourself and your friend's company. That is until you see them on their phone and realize they are busy updating their FB status about how good a time they're having.

Unfortunately, the cell phone has become the third wheel in most of our interactions. We are constantly checking texts, emails and Facebook; we might have missed something going on in the interwebs in the last 5 minutes. The truth is that what we are actually missing is our own lives; we're too busy telling everyone how great our experience is that we're not truly experiencing it. Isn't it ironic? Don't you think? Are we having these experiences for the sake of the experience or is it because we want to have interesting and jealousy-provoking status updates?

Hmmm....

I know y'all were concerned about how I survived the day without my phone. It was rough; I knew that I'd missed 4 calls, 7 texts and 2 voicemails (from different people this time). But when I got home, no calamity had befallen anyone I knew and it seemed like everything was alright with the world. Of course, when I left the house again, I made sure my phone was safe and sound...in my purse.





*For those of you who don't know, Video Soul was an awesome show on BET that played music videos and interviewed current R&B artists. This was back in the day when BET was good.