Don't Give Up!

You bite the bullet and go on Match/OkStupid/EHarmony. Just like everyone else, you're looking for hot sex on a platter love. It's been rough in real life - your best friend's boo refuses to join a team or club of some kind so they can find the love of your life and the bar scene is so played, especially since you joined the over-thirty crowd (very recently, thank you). You work tirelessly, creating the perfect profile, looking for the one who fits this description:

WANTED: Someone who's smart, compassionate, thoughtful, funny and appreciates the way I eat with chopsticks left-handedly and believes that bacon should be its own food group. Idris Elba doppelganger preferred but not required.

Finally, after several misadventures (like the guy who whipped out a list of things to talk about), you get exactly what you're looking for. He even looks kinda like Idris...if you squint your eyes and turn the lights down super low and have a shot or two of tequila...but still, everything else is in order. They are thoughtful, they get your jokes (obviously they are super smart), and love that you can eat bacon with left-handed chopsticks. It's like you went to the Burger King of dating and you got it your way.

Except...they still aren't the right one.

Your friends throw themselves prostrate on the floor because they're so tired of your pickiness. "What's wrong with this one?" they exclaim. You shake your head because you can't explain it. You have given it so much thought, talked about it excessively with the 38L Geary bus driver; if there is anyone who is tired of your pickiness, it's you! You want hot sex on a platter love for yourself just as much as they want it for you! And this person is great, wonderful, marvelous, has everything you want...on paper. Despite matching most, if not all of your most vital criteria, there is something missing. It's that indescribable, intangible thing that goes beyond physical attraction (and the desire to do naughty things to them).

Love is a tricky thing. If you're lucky, you meet someone who has most of the qualabilities you want, you fall in love and go on to conquer the world together (or at least Sudoku in the Sunday newspaper). Although there truly is an element of luck involved - you have to be at the right place, at the right time both literally and figuratively - it all sounds pretty easy. But what happens when you meet that person, they have all the right things and they do absolutely nothing for your heart?

Some people say "F*ck it. They have all the things I say I want and I'll just make it work. I'm tired of sitting at the kiddy table at all these goddamn weddings I'm going to all the time." (No judgment, but it does make one wonder if that has anything to do with the 50% divorce rate in this country. It's just a kiddy table for one night!) However, I believe that in picking your mate, it takes a lot of courage to follow your heart, even if it seems like it's speaking to you in a foreign language. If this person, regardless of how wonderfully awesome they are, is not for you, it's not fair to keep them because you're afraid there isn't anyone out there for you. Or because they like you more than you like them. Or because they make sense...on paper. Just like you, they deserve someone who has those indescribable, intangible feelings for them.

And hopefully, that leads to lots of hot sex on a platter.

*You're welcome for the Idris links.