One of the most entertaining exhibits at the zoo (it feels wrong to describe animals in this way, but I can't seem to find the right word) tends to be the monkey house. It's cool to watch them swing from tree to tree, to groom each other and engage in other human-like behavior. (Sidebar - is that why it's the most entertaining? Because we're totally narcissistic and essentially like to watch ourselves? Talk amongst yourselves.) However, sometimes the monkeys get agitated; they start hitting each other, howling at one another and before you know it, they're throwing feces all over the place. It's a sh*t show. Literally.
Monkeys are funny. They throw poop.
Hopefully, most of us are past the feces-throwing stage. (My true hope is that none of us ever threw feces, but some childhoods were rougher than others.) We have language to communicate our feelings and societal rules and expectations that strongly discourage hitting and feces throwing. However, there are some relationships that upon reflection we realize something - we are/were in the f*cking monkey house!
We all know that at the beginning of a relationship, we're our best selves. We hide the beanie babies, clean out our cars and we work really hard to keep our OCD tendencies to ourselves. Once we
But sometimes...we're too accepting.
Each of us has different standards and ideas of what love looks and feels like. What may be acceptable to some is absolutely intolerable to others. Yet, there are some common themes of what we believe is loving and respectful behavior. Affection, consideration, respect, communication - it would be difficult for me to conceive of a healthy and happy relationship without these components. Unfortunately, some of us forget and find ourselves in situations where none of these concepts are to be found.
It's not like your relationship started off that way (I hope). The representatives came and went; that's when the problems started. Sometimes those representatives are false; they are 180 degrees different from who the person actually is. We are drawn in by who we think they are (because that's how they show up initially) and as they get comfortable, their true colors start to show. It is difficult for us to accept that the person we fell for doesn't really exist and it's the mofo in front of us that we're left to deal with.
Trickerated.
This idea of the person that you fell in love with (you know, the one who doesn't actually exist) is holding you hostage in your relationship. You hope that they will return, so you stick around longer and longer, waiting for their return. Before you know it, your behavior starts to mimic theirs. No way in a million bajillion years could you imagine yelling expletives at someone you love. Or going on secret intelligence missions to figure out who they texted at 1 am. Or throwing feces. You learned it from watching them.
6 signs that you're in the monkey house:
1. Your behavior changes in a negative way.
2. You're embarrassed to tell your friends about what goes on in your relationship.
3. You make excuses for why they are acting that way.
4. You start telling yourself that your wants and needs are unrealistic.
5. You become that couple no one wants to be around because your interactions are so disrespectful and uncomfortable to watch.
6. The poop issue.
We tell ourselves little stories about their (mis)behavior, subconsciously normalizing it. "They're broken." "They've always loved crackheads so they don't know how to have a healthy relationship." "Their mom/dad was emotionally manipulative." "Feces is good for the earth and everyone poops." All of these things may be true, but it doesn't mean we have to accept them. It is not a bad thing to end a relationship with someone because they are broken. Unless they're really working on healing and making deliberate changes, you owe it to yourself to get out of the monkey house.
Besides, sh*t is really hard to get off the walls...so I've heard.
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