Thanks For Screwing Me, Mom and Dad!

Regardless of race, gender, education, socioeconomic status and any other variable, there are a couple of universal truths about people. 1. We all like to talk about ourselves. 2. Our point of view is the most legitimate. 3. The person who is driving sooooooooooooo slowly in front of you is doing it intentionally to make you late (because they are a poorly raised, inconsiderate, no driving skills having jerk-offs who have no concept of time and are being rude and disobedient). However, the one that comes up the most often (and the reason people come to my office) is that people have issues! Your issues may look different from the person sitting next to you at the bar, but both of you have them.

And who are to blame for these issues? That's right, Mumsy and Dada.

It's unavoidable, your parents have f*cked you up in some way or the other. Whether it's your fear of abandonment, your aversion to intimacy or the need to be spanked and told that you've been very naughty in public, many of these issues stem from your relationships with your primary caregivers. Of course, this is a gross generalization; other relationships and experiences also influence how you perceive the world. However, it's the relationship that you have with your parents that have a significant influence on how you relate to others, in both positive and negative ways. The coldest part about it - we often don't realize how all of this plays out. It's on such a subconscious level, we don't see that we have these issues until they somehow bitch-slap us in the face. And that's if we're lucky. Some of us are destined to repeat the same mistakes over and over again because we can't see how we keep playing out these (sometimes dysfunctional) roles in our relationships with friends, co-workers and lovers.

Isn't that awesome? We can totally blame someone else for our shenanigannery and ridiculosity.

Hold up...aren't you a grown up? No? Carry on then, keep blaming your parents for being a douche. And continue to call them Mumsy and Dada.

For those of us who are adults, there comes a certain point in our lives that we can no longer hold our parental units responsible for our issues. While our relationship with them may be the root cause of some of our behavior and choices, we have the ability to do something different. We are not under contract to continue to perform the same old roles that may have been handed down generation to generation. We can stop being abusive/needy/insecure/bitter people if we want to. We can stop punishing our loved ones and holding them responsible for the mistakes of our parents. And for good measure, we can also try to forgive our parents. That doesn't mean you have to welcome them into your life with open arms, especially if they caused you a lot of pain and trauma, but it could be a huge relief to let go of any anger and resentment toward them. After all, they're just people who were f*cked up by their parents, same as you.*
 
It can be quite an undertaking to acknowledge and work on some of these issues; many folks aren't ready to do that. Having someone else to blame for your mistakes is so much easier than taking responsibility for them. However, until you do, you will also remain a powerless victim of your past. Unfortunately, you can't change the past (unless you're one of those time travelers, but then you could seriously upset the balance in the universe and something crazy like Mitt Romney becoming president might happen), but you can always change your present. There are plenty of people who are professionally skilled in helping you do that.


I double-dog dare you to work those mommy/daddy issues out and move forward in your life. Actually, I'm triple-dog daring you. Now what?




*By the way, if you have procreated or are planning to, you too will also f*ck up your children in some form. It's okay, it's part of your job description; they wouldn't be normal if you didn't.