but Maya Angelou ain't telling the whole truth.
I'm not saying that it doesn't have an ounce of truth to it. It might actually have several ounces. But it's not all the way true. Think about it: we all know it's better to not text and drive, but how many of us still do it? (Does it count if you wait until you get to a red light or stop sign?) Here's what it should really say:
"When you know better, you want to do better. But sometimes you don't choose that and then you feel bad because Beverly already done told you what was better and you're still not doing it."
That feels a bit more accurate, albeit a tad bit wordy.
We all find ourselves in situations on a regular basis in which we know better but don't do better. There seems to be a disconnect between what we know intellectually and how we experience it emotionally. Although most of us would like to think we're rational and intelligent people who can assess a situation and act logically, we often make decisions based on our emotions, wants, needs and circumstances...even the menfolk. Knowledge is power, but many of us "forget" (conveniently) what we know and do it anyway, whatever "it" is.
"It" can be many things, from the seemingly benign (i.e. I know better than to eat 4 mini-Snickers) to more significant situations (i.e. I know better than to sleep with my ex). While we have the necessary information to make a rational and logical choice, we sometimes ignore what we know because it goes against what we want or think we need (I do need Snickers!). Sometimes it also means we're not ready to make changes to our behavior when it comes to some of the situations that require us to make important decisions. For example, eating 4 mini-Snickers may be a small act on its own, but if it's 4 mini-Snickers and you're diabetic, it can have serious consequences.
So why would someone who knows their actions may have real consequences still go through with the action?
Because obviously they're stupid. Just kidding. Change is difficult and people don't change overnight. There are 5 stages to change; many of us stay in the first three stages. Here they are:
1. The Precontemplation Stage - we have not yet acknowledged that there is a problem behavior that needs to be changed.
2. The Contemplation Stage - we acknowledge there is a problem but we are not yet ready or sure we want to make a change.
3. The Preparation/Determination Stage - we're getting ready to change.
4. The Action/Willpower Stage - we're actually changing the behavior.
5. The Maintenance or Relapse Stage - we're either maintaining the new behavior or returning to old behaviors and abandoning the changes we've made.
This model is most often applied to cycle of addiction and recovery, but it works for just about any change in our lives. Here are some common issues that we all struggle with when it comes to making changes:
1. Healthy eating/exercising/weight management
2. Overall health
3. Career
4. Relationships
5. Alcohol/drugs
6. Money
Within all those categories, there are sub-categories and the list can go on and on.
Here's a personal example: Like most people I know, I have struggled with my weight for years. I've done various diets and started (and stopped) going to the gym, only to at some point stop. Part of it was due to thinking I'm a sexy beast regardless of my weight, but I also struggled with a combination of being exercise averse, loving dessert and anything covered with cheese. However, I realized as I got older, it would get harder to lose weight and with several health issues that run through my family, I could easily become a candidate for medication of some sort. So I made a decision to change my diet and exercise routine and for the last 5 years, exercising and some semblance of healthy eating have become a lifestyle. Do I backslide sometimes? Fa sho. There are days I don't want to exercise or eat salad; I want to watch TV while eating junk food. So I do. Just not all the time. I know better than that.
And who can really stop at 4 mini-Snickers anyway?
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