Trickeration in the Dancery

You're at the grocery store and both of you reach for the last organic sprouted gluten-free dairy-free (flavor-free) whatchamacallit. You both chuckle and they allow you to have it...as long as they can get your number. Since they are cute, apparently single and have good taste in whatchamacallits, you give them the digits. Soon thereafter, a date is planned.

Here's the first date checklist:
1. shower
2. shave
3. brush teeth
4. iron your fancy clothes and put them on
5. put on makeup (some guys are into eyeliner)
6. put on some smell-good
7. dust off the heels/church shoes

Some of you know that in your everyday, regular state of being, you barely do 1-3, much less even own an ironing board. However, this is the first date and you only get one time to make a good first impression. While there's the distinct possibility that this whatchamacallit eater may only look good under the fluorescent lighting of a grocery story, you're hopeful that you'll like each other. That's why you're wearing the shoes that cut off the circulation in your left baby toe.

When we date someone new, we all bring our representative. This is the best version of ourselves, the one that not only has wrinkle-free clothing, but also is interesting, delightful, entertaining and totally flaw-free. During the first few dates, our representative is in full effect mode (like Al B. Sure, for your pleasure); we don't want to scare our prospective boos with all our idiosyncrasies and unique personality quirks at one time. If you're fortunate, you've made a real connection and can feel okay to let your soul glow; you can be your truest self and send your representative home.

There's nothing wrong with sending your rep out there; part of it is biological as we are subconsciously drawn to people who are physically attractive for procreating reasons. There is also a list of characteristics to which we respond positively and reinforce our initial physical attraction. But more importantly, we owe it to ourselves to be protective of the information we disclose. In sharing who we are, we make ourselves vulnerable to the possibility of ridicule and judgment. They don't need to know about your bad credit or extensive collection of beanie babies right away. There will be some things they will discover about you (and you them) over time. That's the (allegedly) fun of dating, the getting-to-know someone part.

Some people don't seem to understand there's a difference between a representative and a misrepresentative. Your representative is still you - it's just a more polished version. A misrepresentative, however, is a falsified version of who you are. Sometimes, people outright lie and make up stories about who they are. They often have an ulterior motive (or a personality disorder) for lying, whether it be to get sex, money or whatever. They are the extreme version of misrepresentation. There are others though that may be pretending to be the self they wish they were or the self they think you want them to be. The problem is that your true self will eventually come to light.

To ensure that you're not misrepresenting who you are to your new boo, it's important to take a self-inventory. Get your friends and family involved; they'll be more than happy to tell you alllllllllllllllll about yourself. If you haven't really figured out who you are yet, maybe it's not the right time for you to date. It's also important to know what you want. If you're just trying to get laid, be honest with yourself (and your date) about that. Make sure your behavior is congruent with your words. If you're saying that you don't want a relationship, don't act like you're in one. While some may argue that honesty isn't always the best policy, it is when it comes to being honest with yourself. After all, those beanie babies didn't magically appear in your closet, right?