It's a Saturday morning. I'm sitting in my Wonder Woman underwear and t-shirt with a bowl of cereal, watching the Smurfs. A commercial comes on. My 6-year old self instantly recognizes what they're hawking. Dolls. Dolls that grow in a cabbage patch. Plastic heads, yarn hair, squishy body, Xavier Robert's name tattooed on their little booties. I needed one immediately. Since my birthday had already passed, it was time to pray to Santa. Fast-forward to Christmas and guess what I got? A Cabbage Patch doll...knock-off. No tattoo meant it wasn't legit and my baby's bottom was bare as a baby's bottom. What was this feeling again?
Oh yeah. Disappointment.
Although I'd had plenty of experience with this emotion before (no dessert, strictly enforced bedtime, becoming a big sister), it felt brand new. I considered having a tantrum, but quickly deduced it would not get me a real Cabbage Patch doll nor would it enhance the rest of Christmas day. Outside of that, there didn't seem to be any other options in dealing with my disappointment, so I did what any smart kid would do - I played with it until I got distracted by my other new toys.
I wished it stayed that simple.
Whether it be with work, friends, money, baby boos, getting a parking ticket, it often seems like disappointment is lurking around every corner. Some disappointments you get over quickly and move on. My fake Cabbage Patch doll looked real and who was going to look at its butt besides me? If we always got every little thing we wanted, most things wouldn't have much value and would be difficult to appreciate. (Hello, Kim Kardashian wedding.) Unfortunately, as we get older, what our heart desires becomes more complex and multi-faceted.
Disappointment is a part of life and how we handle it can greatly influence how we live. Remember your first heartbreak? Or when you were served with divorce papers? How about when you didn't get that bonus you were promised at work? (That taste in your mouth right now might be bitterness.) While it is easy to fixate on life's disappointments, it can also lead to a life of bitterness and victimhood. These people tend to constantly point their fingers at everyone/something else, seldom taking responsibility for their choices and actions. Life is something that happens to them and to be honest, they are not fun people to be around.
I'm not saying disappointment is an easy emotion to deal with. Often, our disappointments come as a result of expectation. Some believe that having expectations of anything is a set up for disappointment; in some ways, it is. However, if you don't have expectations of anyone, yourself included, what are you striving for? How do you grow? How do you have healthy relationships? There is something to be said about realistic expectations, but to have none is also a set up...just a set up for failure instead.
I believe the hardest disappointments to deal with are the ones you have no control over. Regardless of all the steps you'd taken - the hail Mary's, putting the secret on it, throwing pennies in a fountain, or just plain trying your hardest, you really have no say in the outcome. Unfortunately, that is often the case; there are many things in life we have no control over, but we believe we do. That is the most disappointing realization of them all because there wasn't anything you could have done to prevent your disappointment. But...you can control your response.
When we learn to deal with life's challenges and disappointments in a healthy manner, it can make us a stronger person. It doesn't mean to suppress your feelings; if you need to wallow for a minute, wallow. Nothing wrong with having a little pity party. However, let it reinforce your resolve to keep it pushing, to stay determined and to achieve your goals; your disappointments can either destroy you or inspire you. Whichever path you choose, don't be disappointed by where you end up - it's totally up to you.
And baby dolls shouldn't have tattoos on their butts anyway!
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