What Size Are You Packing?

Get your minds out of the gutter! That's an after-hours conversation at the bar! I'm talking about your baggage...and just so you know, size does matter.

We carry around with us our various life experiences. These experiences shape our understanding of how the world works and how we see ourselves in it. It also greatly influences our ability to relate to others and impacts our relationships, both platonic and romantic. Unfortunately, the negative experiences tend to carry much more weight than the positive ones, sometimes leading to dysfunctional behavior that wreaks havoc in our personal lives.

As we get older and accumulate more experiences, our bags can become more plentiful and heavier. You may have started with a small carry-on of little slights and disappointments, but as time goes on, you have expanded to a mid-size suitcase full of shame and bitterness too. Before you know it, you have the whole Samsonite luggage collection, with an animal carrier on the side (and you don't even have a pet!) full of disappointment, shame, bitterness, resentment, anger, frustration and hostility. It's hard to carry all that around, day after day, all by yourself. And no one can help you, because they keep tripping over all your bags.

Unpacking some of your baggage can be difficult; no one wants to pull out their dirty laundry and really look at it. Does it smell funny? How dirty is it really? Has it been buried at the bottom of the bag for so long, you can barely recognize it? While some issues may be right at the surface, others may seem to be suppressed...until they pop up unexpectedly. "Aw, damn Gina, how did I get back into a relationship with Slick Nasty?"

Here's the thing - we often don't recognize our issues until they get triggered, usually in our interactions with other people. We tend to repeat behaviors and relationships because we're trying to change the outcome of our original experience/relationship. However, your pattern of behavior with this type of person or in a certain situation has been already established and can be difficult to change, especially if you aren't aware of what's going on. Unfortunately, many people choose to remain oblivious, only to wonder why they end up in the same situations over and over again. This can often lead to feelings of powerlessness and frustration, thus contributing more weight to our baggage, to the point where we add one more bag to the collection. 

And boy, are they a drag to carry around.

So how do you start lightening your load? First, figure out what you want in your life. It's okay if you don't have all the details, but just starting with a general goal is helpful. Then figure out what's stopping you from getting it. It sounds very basic and easy, but I know that it's not. While there are some things that are out of your control, there are a lot of other things that you can work on to improve the possibilities. Some of those things may be concrete, tangible goals (i.e. saving money to travel) and others are more internal and introspective (i.e. identifying how your abandonment issues play out in your relationships). It's hard work and sometimes, it can be really difficult facing who you truly are versus the person you've constructed in your head. But once you do, you'll be able to pack light.

So, I encourage you to drag out those musty and dusty bags you think you've been hiding and get to unpacking. You may discover that there are some good things in there too!



*Although Erykah Badu is singing about the ladies, don't get it twisted, men have just as much baggage as women.