Sex

The word alone evokes images, fantasies, memories and emotions. What is it about sex that makes people lose their minds and do the most idiotic things? Is it the orgasm? (It certainly doesn't hurt.) The connection? The intimacy? The validation? All of the above?

Whatever it is, it seems that people are all over the place when it comes to sex, even in defining it. Birds do it, bees do it, but no one does it like humans. There are various positions, various accoutrements, sometimes various people involved at the same time. Regardless of sexual orientation and predilections, there seems to be one universal theme - someone's always trying to get it! (Hopefully, legally.)

Of course, there are plenty of instances where both (all?) parties involved are down to do the do. However, there's usually some kind of chase involved (especially in Heterosexlandia), particularly if folks are trying to date. If people are trying to have a no-strings attached, booty-call situation or a one night stand, the rules are different. But if one is trying to get to know someone and wants to have the option of a relationship, it often takes some time to get the goodies.

If most of us want sex, why can it be so dang difficult to get? For straight men, they have to convince a woman to have sex with them. (From what I understand, for most gay men, it's not difficult at all. In my next life, I hope to be a gay man.) If you're good-looking and have a little bit of swagger, it's not that difficult. Not to say it's easy all the time, but it's much easier than if you're not attractive and/or have no confidence. However, the challenging aspect is finding a woman who is down.

In general, women tend not to give it up so easy. (I said in general, so please don't tell me about your cousin/sister/friend/neighbor who has sex with everybody.) There's a complex equation that goes on in our heads that determine whether or not someone will see us naked. (It's a totally different equation in lesbian relationships, from what I've been told at the bar.) If you take the square root of the temperature, multiply it by the number of times she was given a compliment over the course of the day, divided by how many new shoes purchased in the past month and add the weight on her driver's license, you should be able to figure out if she's going to put out.

Yeah, it's that complicated.

Actually, there are so many things that go into determining whether we sleep with someone or not. Here is the sequence of thoughts we have and questions we ask ourselves before we get down:

1. How badly do I want to have sex?
2. Do I want to have sex with this cat?
3. If I have sex with him tonight, will I see him again?
4. Do I even want to see him again?
5. Booty call or relationship?
6. I wonder what he's working with.
7. I can't make any decisions until we kiss.
8. Do I want to kiss him?
9. Is it too soon?
10. Is he expecting a BJ?
11. Has he earned it?
12. Am I going to become emotionally attached?
13. Did I shave my legs?


It is also determined by where we are in our lives, how we feel about ourselves, how we feel about our sexuality and what we want from our potential sex partner. Oh, and hormones! Considering that most men operate from a physical space when it comes to sex and women operate from a mix of physical, mental and emotional space, it's a wonder that men and women can be in sexual relationships with one another!

One of the most common issues that comes up in dating and relationships is negotiating sex. I think most men know that women tend to move in a more mental and emotional space, but often choose to ignore it. It may be because they don't understand it or it may be because they don't give a damn. Regardless, that kind of attitude/impatience will prevent you from getting what you want. While we can talk about female sexual empowerment, at the end of the day, we're still operating under a double standard; if we are too enthusiastic about having sex, we're deemed sluts. A lot of men say,"I want a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed." Ever notice that there's no comparable saying for men? That's because their sexuality is part of their masculinity, whereas for us, being a lady does not include being sexual.

Done with my rant.

Anyway, we do like sex. A lot. And we talk about it. A lot. And we want to do it. A lot. But there's also a lot that goes into deciding who we want to have sex with, especially if we are dealing with men. So please, gentlemen, have some patience (not persistence) and you may get what you want sooner than you thought. Also, learn how to kiss. It counts a lot more than you think.