Are You on This List?

Many women I know, myself included, complain about the lack of dateable men. All of us believe that we're great catches and some of us truly are. However, I also know there are plenty of women who may not be and are ruining it for the rest of us, dammaging men left and right who can't seem to recover...just from one date! So ladies, are you this chick?

1. The Opportunist - when you met him, you knew that he was not the one for you. Maybe his pants were sagging too much or he had difficulty stringing words together to form a sentence or his behavior and tone of voice reminded you of Urkel. Whatever the reason, you knew that nothing good would come from you giving him your number. However, when he asked you out (via text), you said yes anyway. A girl has to eat right?

2. Ms. Picky - "I know it says flour crust, but I'd like it with a cornmeal crust. Make sure it's baked in the oven with only other vegetarian pizzas. Also, is the mozzarella made with whole milk or skim milk? And were the cows that produced the milk grass-fed? I'd like the mushrooms to be finely chopped and sprinkled liberally on the pizza, but make sure they're not touching the other vegetables." If you have food allergies (especially if you have to carry an epi-pen with you), that's one thing. But if you're this picky about your pizza, one can only imagine how you are about other things.

3. The Hungry Chick - I'm not talking about burgers and french fries, I'm talking about the woman who wants to be married with children so badly, any man will do. "What do you think about marriage? Do you want to get married? What do you think about an early fall wedding? Wouldn't that be beautiful? I want 2 boys and 1 girl, Jeremiah, Justin and Julia - I have a thing for J names." TMI for a first date! There's nothing wrong with wanting to get married and have children, but the desperation is so palpable, the folks sitting next to you can feel it!

4. The Bitter Bi*ch - your date doesn't even know what your teeth look like because you haven't smiled once! The body language and tone of voice convey an utter disregard and disdain for the man (or any man) that's taking you out. We've all been burned by love, but if you haven't recovered from your last relationship/experience (that ended 3 years ago), it might be time to get some therapy and figure out what's really going on.

5. The "I Don't Need A Man" Chick - with the divorce rate so high, it's very important for women to be independent and self-sufficient. However, you wouldn't be on a date if there wasn't some need you were trying to fulfill. Whether it be a life partner kind of need or clear the cobwebs kind of need, it does no good to let your date know that he is inconsequential.

6. The Inappropriately Dressed Chick - if your date is taking you to Chez Panisse, by all means, put on a dress and your peep toe heels. But if he's taking you rock-climbing, are you sure that's what you want to wear? This isn't just about where you're going, this is also about the style and fit of your clothes. I know it can be hard to accept that you don't fit a size 8 anymore, but if you have to lay down, stop breathing and use plyers to zip it, let it go! Especially if it's your Girbauds from 1993. Please also keep in mind there is a fine line between slutty and sexy.

7. The Emasculator - these days, gender roles continue to get blurry, particularly as more and more women become the breadwinners and achieve success in their careers. Unless he's looking for a sugar mama, most men want to feel like and be appreciated as men. We complain about chivalry being dead, but barely give men a chance to be chivalrous. So let them be men! It's okay to let them open the door for us.

8. The Wackadoo - we're all a little bit crazy in our own way, but this is different. It's hard to define, but we all know it when we see it...unless we are the crazy chick. If you feel it's okay to slash tires and throw bricks through windshields or if you sleep with your beanie baby collection, you might fall under this category.

9. The Oversharer - as women, we build our emotional connections by talking about everything. Feelings, thoughts, mistakes, boo boo, work, love, sex, pedicures, everything. That's why we have girlfriends. There is a such thing as TMI with a man, especially if it's about other men. They don't want to know. Talking about your experiences with other men is definitely on the TMI list. Most men do not want to know because they are the one and only, right?

This list is by no means comprehensive as I'm sure there are men out there who have some horror interesting stories. At the end of the day, be yourself. It's just a date (not with destiny). You're both two people hoping to find someone that will accept you (and your collection of Jem dolls) and enjoy whatever it is you have to offer. If it works out, that's great. If it doesn't, it's another learning experience or funny story to tell around the lunch table. But if any of these descriptions sound a little too familiar, it might be hard out there for you, sister!