Did you hear about that guy who did that thing with that girl who came from that place?

I'll be the first to admit - I love to hear juicy stories. Kim Kardashian, Charlie Sheen, the girl from high school, that guy we used to work with...people fascinate me. At the end of the story, I always want to know why. Why did Charlie Sheen start using crack? Why did Kim do the sex tape...with Ray J nonetheless? Why, why, why? Regardless of my intent, at the end of the day, gossip is gossip and it can be really hurtful. Especially when the subject is you.

As Americans, we've become desensitized to the impact of gossip. We have television shows, periodicals, blogs, even television channels that are devoted to gossiping about people. It's easy for us to laugh at Charlie Sheen's antics because we don't know him; however, if it were someone in our family who was going through this, we would probably empathize more instead of poke fun. With today's technology, it's also easier to spread a tantalizing tidbit of information. An email or text message can be quickly forwarded to the next person and before you know it, that sexy text message that was intended just for their eyes is traveling all over town.

Now, we all talk about everyone (and when I say we, I mean both men and women). We talk about ourselves, our friends, our co-workers, our family; it's how we relate to one another. We disseminate information through discussion. Is there something wrong with that? Not necessarily. We learn through experience, both our own and through others. It can help us avoid mistakes as we learn about what others have been through. For example, I was having a conversation about pregnancy and shared a friend's difficult experience in having an induced labor. Could that be considered gossip? Sure. However, I was also passing along some potentially useful information about birth and labor to a friend considering pregnancy.

Problems with gossiping especially arise when the intention behind it is malicious. There's a difference between sharing information or expressing concern versus spreading someone's business for the sake of idle chatter.

Example 1: I'm worried about Charlie. His behavior has been erratic and kind of crazy lately. I think he's been using drugs.

Example 2: Have you seen Charlie lately? He's a total crackhead! He's talking mad sh*t about his boss and his ass is about to get fired!

Both examples are talking about the same thing, except one is expressing concern while the other is judgmental and sensational. When our loved ones are going through something, good and bad, we turn to each other for counsel and support. We may have feelings about our co-worker's promotion, our cousin's pregnancy or best friend's abusive relationship that we need help working out. Or sometimes we just want to celebrate and spread the love. Either way, it's important that we check in with ourselves to figure out where we're coming from and what the intent is in sharing this information.

Another issue is when boundaries are crossed. If person A tells me something about person B in confidence, it is not appropriate for me to go up to person B and comment on that information. First, if something was told to you in confidence, it is to be kept to yourself. Second, you don't know how person B would feel about their info being out there, even if, in your opinion, it may be cause to celebrate. Third, your spilling the beans may have a negative consequence to A and B's relationship. Lastly, your gossiping may have a negative consequence in your relationship with A.

Professionally, I have an ethical and legal responsibility to maintain the confidentiality of my clients. In my personal life, I have learned over the years that it's easier to keep most things to myself. I've seen friendships become stressed and strained due to breaks in confidence. I have also learned that if you're going to share information with people, whether it be about yourself or others, that you keep in mind that it just might be shared with others. Some of the best people we know and love have the biggest mouths. "But I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that from me!"

Have you ever been the victim of rumors or idle gossip? How did you deal with it? Do you feel guilty when you gossip? Do you consider yourself guilty of gossip?