Girls - Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

At least that's the rumor. A rumor that started with some girl whispering it into another girl's ear and before you knew it, the whole town believed that girls were made of sugar and spice. There's a rumor about boys too, involving puppy dog tails, snails and snips; I bet it was started by the same girl. Suffice it to say, it's only a rumor - many girls (women) ain't nuthin' nice.

There's a lot of hateration in this dancery.

The haters - women. Those being hated on - women. Why is there so much hatred in the sisterhood? I wish I had an answer. I do however, have a couple of theories based on nothing but conjecture and observation. You may agree or disagree or kind of sort of agree, but disagree a little bit or disagree alotta bit but agree a tiny bit. That's fine, just don't hate on me, 'kay?

Theory One
With many of my former female clients, their relationship with their mom was horrible. Throughout their lives, they were betrayed by the person they were supposed to trust the most. They didn't trust their mothers, their aunties, female cousins or any other woman. Many claimed they didn't like females and preferred the company of guys (which has its own set of issues); some who had daughters were very open about their disappointment about not having a son. Were there other environmental issues that contributed to their mistrust? Yes, of course. However, their overall belief that females were dishonest and sneaky not only affected their sense of self-worth (sounds like a lot of self-hateration) but prohibited them from being able to develop a solid support network of female friendships.

Theory Two
Some women are jealous, insecure and competitive. If you are smarter, prettier, taller, skinnier, have a better job, bigger boobs, an amazing partner, whatever, they feel threatened. The only way they can feel good about themselves is to put you down. Have you ever experienced an insult disguised as a compliment (aka a backhanded compliment)? Yeah, these kind of women are good at that.

A few examples:
"That dress looks good on you. It doesn't make your butt look nearly as big as it is."
"Where'd you get your hair done? It looks nice for a change."
"You got a promotion? Congratulations! I didn't know you were so smart."
"Who's that good-looking person over there? You're together?

Shady.

Theory Three
Throughout their childhood, some girls were picked on (often related to theory two) and scapegoated by other girls. Maybe they were quiet, or the new girl, or the girl that all the boys liked. For whatever reason, this girl was ostracized and treated cruelly. As a result, in adulthood, they develop a f*&k-it attitude toward other women and mistrust them. Have you ever run into a woman who instantly had an attitude toward you, regardless of how nice you were? That may be her.

Theory Four
The proliferation of reality television has not only exposed deviant girl-on-girl misconduct, but has  encouraged it by rewarding the aggressor with greater celebrity. Can we say every Housewives series? The more spiteful and ugly the behavior, the more popular the person and the show becomes. As a society, we've become voyeuristic as well as apathetic; how often do we talk about how crazy so-and-such is because they slapped their "friend" or called her a b*tch? With all this overexposure to mean girl behavior, it's no wonder we're having a hard time getting along.

It makes me sad to hear women talk about their negative experiences with other women. I am very fortunate to have some of the most dynamic, beautiful, intelligent, caring and loving women in my life; without having these friendships, my life would be a boring, hot mess. They support and love me unconditionally; most importantly, they keep me sane and make my life more interesting. Although you may not need a large group of friends, as a woman, it is imperative to have at least one or two close female friendships. We feel better and do better when we have a sense of community and connection. It's actually good for your health to have girlfriends. That's why I have so many...I'm planning on living for a very long time!



What are your friendships with women like? Are you doing something or putting something out there that makes it difficult for other women to connect with you?  Were you betrayed at young age by other females? What do you like about women? What do you dislike about women? For men, what have you observed about female friendships?