You're at the farmer's market, looking for the perfect shaved fennel to add to the gourmet feast you've been planning for the last 4 minutes. (Is there such a thing as shaved fennel? That's an excellent question.) That's when it happens - you and this gorgeous creature reach for the organic smoked rhubarb (?) at the same time, lock eyes and it's a wrap. For the next few weeks/months/years, you and this person are in love; it's for really real serious like. And then one day, for reasons unbeknownst to you, they reach into your chest, grab your heart, throw it on the floor and do the Mexican hat dance on it. By the time they're done, your heart is a negligible smudge on the carpet.
Ain't love grand?
After the shock wears off, there are 4 phases of bitterness you go through:
1. Dead heart phase - I hate love. And people. I will never love anyone ever again because love sucks and people suck. I almost hate myself because I am a people and they are just terrible.
2. Slwhore (slut-whore, the wh is silent) phase - Love still sucks, but people suck less because you can have sex with them. And love, that terrible emotion, does not have to be included. As a matter of fact, it can't be included because I have no heart.
3. Tired slwhore phase - I'm tired of sleeping with people whose names I can't remember, but I still can't completely shake off this negative feeling about love.
4. Acquiesence phase - Love...I have some hazy memories of it being good sometimes. I think I might could be kind of ready to be open to thinking about maybe allowing myself to get in touch with those feelings again.
When we get to stage four, that's usually an indicator that we're ready to start dating again. Unfortunately, most of us choose stage three to stick our baby toes in the water. It's pretty self-explanatory; we're tired of the meaningless humping so we think that's a sign that we're open to love. However, since we haven't quite shaken off those last dregs of bitterness, we're still a bit reluctant to get our hearts tangled up with another person.
That's when the universe really decides to f*ck with you. Enter new gorgeous creature.
Your friend's partner/spouse/boo thang finally joins the local bowling/softball/roller derby team and there's someone who may just be perfect for you. Since you're in the tired slwhore phase, you (albeit reluctantly) allow yourself to be introduced. Yeah, they are hecka cute and you like the way their jeans fit their butt. They make you laugh and touch you a lot when you're talking. It feels good - you can almost remember how much you liked flirting. Yet, you can't get too enthusiastic - the last time all this happened, your heart was obliterated and you're just not sure if you can go through that again.
Damn, they got a nice booty!
That's when you have to make the decision. Many of us have found ourselves in situations where it seems like we blacked out and woke up in the monkey house. However, that's not really what happened; we didn't make a decision about what we wanted to do and allowed ourselves to get swept along. When we act without intention, especially in relationships, it can be easy to find our hearts trampled. Not that intention prevents heartbreak, but it stings a bit less when you are a fully present participant.
They sure seem smart. And funny. And they got that booty.
To date or not to date, that is the question. If you're honest with yourself (and are acting with integrity), you know where you are. You may be just a little too reluctant - the thought that this new person could at some point hurt you is too much of deterrent to pursue anything with them. But maybe, just maybe, you make a small decision to be open to the possibility.
See, that wasn't too hard!
I know we all have our baggage; it's difficult not to drag it from relationship to relationship. However, it's up to you whether or not you take all the crap out - all the dirty drawls, the funky socks and that Frankie Says Relax t-shirt you forgot about before you move on to the next person. You can't get rid of all of it, but you can definitely lighten your load. You just have to decide to do that. That's the hardest part, making that decision. Hopefully, if the intentions behind it are healthy, it will turn out the way you want it to. And you get to rub on that booty all you want.
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