According to most romantic comedies, there's this moment, usually surrounded by some kind of conflict (love triangle, crazy ex-spouse, surprise - this is your kid!), in which you realize that you're in love with that certain someone. Although love is a concept that's not tangible, movies have this way of making sure the audience knows that the protagonist is now in love. They start looking at their beloved with googly eyes or they passionately kiss them or they run accross town to stop them from getting on a plane; whatever the scene, it often involves a montage with love songs. Unfortunately, it's not always so obvious in real life.
When asked how they knew they were in love with their boo, most people say, "I don't know, I just knew. I had this feeling, ya know?" (Uh huh. That's a great way of explaining it.) Having been in love once before, I do know what they're talking about. However, also knowing how that situation worked out (Sexy Heroin), me thinks that my understanding of what love really looks/feels like is a little bit
After many conversations at the bar and lots of deep introspection (usually in a tropical venue with a fruity cocktail), I have put together a list of beliefs that are a result of some of my experiences...which is probably why my love life has been soooooo
La di da, stop bragging now. Rude.
Here's the list:
1. My feelings for this person must be intense and overwhelming in order for it to be love.
2. If you've never cried over someone while lying on the floor in a fetal position, it's not love.
3. Love is complicated and difficult.
4. You can't possibly love someone if you don't fight a lot.
5. Jealousy = love.
6. If there isn't the slightest bit of insecurity, how can you really love them?
7. There must be a constant push/pull dynamic.
8. Lotsa sex, all the time.
9. Love means accepting them as they are...including their bullsh*t ways of treating you.
What I am discovering is that while these things can and do exist in love relationships, this isn't actually what love has to look like. How I figured this out is between me and the highlighted passages of various self-help books. Here's what I'm beginning to understand about my misconceptions:
1. Intense and overwhelming - those are great feelings to have about someone, it's most definitely a high. But most of the time, it's just good old-fashioned lust. I know, I know, it can be difficult to discern between the two, especially when there's a party in your pants.
2. Your feelings will inevitably get hurt whenever you love someone. Hopefully, if you're on the floor in the fetal position it's because you're kind of dramatic.
3. There's a rumor going around that it's actually not that complicated - it's quite easy. That must be nice.
4. I'm a lover, not a fighter. While it's important to discuss your feelings and that may cause a conflict, it doesn't have to be a fight. Fighting does not necessarily mean you're more passionate about your relationship; it could just mean you're an asshole who likes to start sh*t.
5, 6, & 7. Someone who really loves you makes sure you know your role in their life, how important you are to them and how they feel about you. That often takes care of the jealousy and insecurity (although there are some people who just happen to be that way regardless of what you do - they are not fun to date, by the way). There is no push/pull because you are right where you're suppposed to be - by their side.
8. I know there's an ebb and flow to people's sex drives. People get tired, they have kids, they're gassy...nope, holding on to #8.
9. This is a tough one, because all we want is for someone to accept us for who we are, including the smelly feet and the beanie baby collection. However, when their unique specialness (and issues) impacts their ability to treat us well, we have to draw the line. Being a douchebag is not an acceptable quality.
I guess I'm growing or something. But I will continue to scoff at romantic comedies - I mean how does a waitress afford a huge loft apartment in Manhattan and never has any morning breath or boogers? Come on.
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