I love to shop. There's something about going to a favorite store, picking out a whatever you want, trying it on and deciding that it's coming home with you. It is so thrilling, so fun, that I conveniently forget that I'm not an heiress to the Saudi empire and have no real money. I get my new shoes/jeans/sweater home, try it on again and fantasize about where and when I get to wear it. I gently put it away...and promptly forget it's in my wardrobe. I get my credit card statement, see that my minimum payment is about a bajillion dollars and once again, I decide to go on a shopping diet. Then a party/wedding/Sunday happens and I need something to wear but have nothing that hasn't been seen on Facebook and well...shopping diet be damned, this is a necessity! I can't wear something this Sunday that I wore on a previous Sunday! What will the paparazzi say?
NICOLE WORE THE SAME THING TWICE NOT IN A ROW! WE HAVE THE EXCLUSIVE PICS!
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| Taken 10/28/12 |
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| Taken 10/24/2008 - 4 years prior! |
The horror!
While I feel it could be a legitimate claim that Facebook has enabled my shopping habit, this is not so much about the shopping but really about the cycle. Shop, feel excited about new thingamabobs, feel first world guilt about money spent on yet another whatchamacallit, decide to stop shopping, feel good about abstaining until another event that requires just one more brand new very special thingamajig...rinse, wash, repeat.
Am I the only one caught up in a cycle? Nope. Is this the only cycle in my life? Nope. I know there are plenty of people out there who are dealing with their own patterns of behavior. This vicious cycle can be applied to many situations - relationships (hello Sexy Heroin), food, drugs, alcohol, gambling, depression, etc. Although some of these behaviors are benign and may not have too significant an impact on your daily functioning, others can be much harder to break. They may even be considered addictive, depending on what we're talking about.
So you have these behavioral patterns that may not be in your best interest. You have two options: 1. Accept that this is a part of who you are and keep it moving or B. Decide that this behavior is an obstacle to what you want for yourself and do something about it. Isn't that easy? Hell no! I don't want to accept that I'll always have credit card debt because I love to buy shoes that look great on my feet but stay in the closet due to their torturous ways. This means that I have to do something about it.
Sh*t.
The strugglingest part is the emotional roller coaster that you're on because of it. It may look a little something like this:
1. Desire - I want to do this.
2. Denial - I can do this, it's not a problem.
3. Pleasure - Oh yeah, it feels good, this is what I like to do!
4. Doubt - Wait a minute, is this something I should be doing?
5. Guilt - I feel bad that I'm doing this.
6. Frustration - Why do I keep doing this?!
7. Resolve - No more times will I do this!
8. Resolution - I am changing my behavior.
9. Action - I am engaging in new behaviors.
10. Behavior is vanquished, never to be seen again!
Except most folks get to #8 and maybe #9 only to go back to #1. Don't feel bad, apparently it can take anywhere between 18 to 254 days for a new behavior to become a habit. Part of the difficulty in changing the troublesome behavior is that there is some kind of pleasure (or relief depending on what we're talking about) derived from what we're doing...which is why we do it again and again. Sometimes the reward isn't totally obvious, especially if it's something that seems detrimental (my nemesis ice cream comes to mind). However, we get something out of it, otherwise it would be easy to quit doing it.
The trick is to replace the behavior with something else - but it's important that it's a healthier behavior. To replace shopping with smoking crack would be a little foolish, don'tcha think? It can also be helpful to figure out what the behavior is about. I like to shop when I have time on my hands and nothing to do. If only I had as much money on my hands as I do time...clearly, I need a hobby, something to occupy my free time. Once you figure out what motivates the behavior, it may be easier to quit. However, it may be quitting that helps you figure out why you do it.
Don't forget that accepting your behavior is an option. That means making peace with how you roll and owning it; this also means taking responsibility for the potential consequences of said behavior. If I accepted my love of new stuff, I would also have to accept that I'd be spending my retirement money on things that I'll eventually donate or throw out (but won't be repeated on FB dammit!). That seems pretty lame. I can barely wear heels now, how am I going to rock them at 80? (I'm hoping by that time, we can travel around via portals.)
I guess I am going to have to really work on this issue if I don't want to be in the budgetary awareness program my whole life. Although I'm still hoping to become an heiress, if that doesn't pan out, I'm really going to have to tackle this issue. Wish me luck! Although I don't really need luck...
I can stop whenever I want!
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