Wherever You Go, There You Are

I'm sure that quotation was stated by someone very important long ago, but I remember it from the Brady Bunch movie (yes, I saw it, don't judge me). To briefly recap for those of you who allegedly haven't seen it: Mr. Brady often gave fatherly advice that made no sense and left the kids perplexed. This was one of the statements he made and it made me laugh because it was so...duh. However, the more you think about it, it's really quite true - wherever you go, there you are. Essentially, you can never escape yourself.

It's pure genius. (Not evil genius, just regular old genius genius.)

Many of us spend our whole lives trying to do just that. Not necessarily in a conscious and literal "I'm trying to escape myself" kind of way, but more in a "If I could just (fill in the blank), I would be a better person" kind of way. But really, you're still going to be the same person, regardless (disirregardless) of what that thing is. So even if you win the lottery or lose weight or get a better job or have a baby, you're still going to be you. You'll just be a richer, skinnier, better-employed parent version of yourself.

Is that a bad thing? No, not at all. Unless of course, you don't like who you are. Oh wait - is that why you're trying to escape yourself? Then there might be a problem. Fixing what's damaged on the inside cannot come from the outside. Often, what we're seeking is external validation that we're okay. However, it won't ever be enough because the only person whose acceptance you really need is your own. (Kind of sounds like one of those 80s PSAs that are trying to discourage teens from succumbing to peer pressure. Whatever. Honey badger don't care.)

I know I made it sound hella easy and simple. "Just accept yourself and everything will be o-kay." Ha! If it was that easy, who would need therapy? A lot of that self-love and self-acceptance mumbo-jumbo actually starts externally, when we are babies. Our parents are the ones who are supposed to lay down that foundation. Unfortunately, there are lots of parents out there that didn't get the memo and didn't do it. So now as adults, we have to do it for ourselves.

How does one do that? Here is a step-by-step guide on how to accept yourself:

1. Figure out your strengths.
2. Figure out your flaws.
3. Decide if your flaws are all that bad.
4. Surround yourself with people who love you unconditionally.
5. Accept yourself.

See? That's not so bad, right?

Okay, okay, my "guide" wasn't really that helpful, I know. (I accept that about myself, that I didn't write a helpful guide about accepting oneself.) Although you really do have to dig deep within yourself to learn self-acceptance, there are some external factors that can be quite helpful in that journey. Step 4 is very crucial - having a community in which you belong or a support network of friends and/or family is important. If we feel low about ourselves, it can be difficult to identify and acknowledge our strengths and positive characteristics. so sometimes we need outside forces to remind us about what makes us great.

The downside to this self-acceptance journey? It takes time. If you are someone who experienced some kind of trauma during your formative years (i.e. abuse, neglect, abandonment), it can be challenging to undo all those years of negative self-talk; at a certain point it becomes automatic. I encourage you to seek help, whether it be with a therapist or some kind of support group. If you are not happy with who you are, no matter what things you add to your life, nothing will fix that but you. It may take a while, but it's worth it because wherever you go, there you are.