Chemistry: Not Just a Class to Ditch in High School

I'll be honest, I really do not enjoy dating. The initial interview, the getting-to-know someone process, sending in your representative (and meeting theirs)...it can be pretty exhausting. As we get older, it gets even harder because we're dragging around not only our baggage, but also our expectations. Are they smart enough, tall enough, ambitious enough? Do they make me laugh? Do they have a prison record? Do I want to have sex with them? There's so much that goes into it, even when we're just grabbing a cocktail or a cup of coffee. However, there is one thing that makes all of this less painful.

Chemistry.

When you meet that person, there's an energy between the two of you. Lots of talking and smiling, touching and laughing. All those thoughts go out the window (for the moment) because things are snap, crackling and popping between you. When you kiss for the first time, damn, it's like a lightning bolt. It's obvious that the two of you were meant to be...naked together. And if/when that does happen, lawd today, there's no stopping you from wanting everyone to feel this way, because you're totally in lust  love.

Or are you?

It's hard to say. Chemistry is definitely a crucial aspect to starting a relationship. When we're trying to build a relationship with someone, it's important to want to be around them, to be curious about them, to be attracted to them. That stage often lasts for a few months, which is enough time to become emotionally invested and committed to making the relationship work. It's also about the time the representatives leave the building and you're left with the good, the bad and the ugly of your not-so-new boo.

While chemistry is surely necessary, it is only part of the foundation for a strong relationship. Sometimes you can have mad chemistry with someone, but that's all there is. The banter, the fun, the phenomenal sex...that's all great, but is there any substance behind it? When you're having a difficult time at work or someone close to you dies, will that person be able to support you and give you what you need? Hopefully yes, but if the foundation of your relationship is build on chemistry alone, it will soon come to light that it is not enough.


Some may argue that chemistry is not needed, that you can fall in love with someone who didn't have that kind of effect on you. Sure, that does happen. However, from what I've seen/experienced/heard, those couples that don't have chemistry have it a little harder when times get rough. If you can't get in touch the reason you fell in love with this mofo, making up after a fight can be quite difficult. Or when the boredom of life's routines sets in, the impetus to make it exciting and put forth effort in sustaining the love can feel like another chore.

So should you date someone with whom you have no chemistry? It can depend on where you are in life and what your goal is. Some people make a choice to make it work because the person has a lot of qualities they are looking for, regardless of the chemistry or lack thereof. Others keep falling in love all over the place because of the chemistry but cannot sustain a relationship. So who knows? Each person has their rationale. Personally, chemistry is important. But that's just me and maybe I'll be singing a different tune in a few years. Ultimately, it's up to you (and the universe). Good luck!