To Pass or Not to Pass

Confession: I was a rather lazy student in college. My philosophy was to do the least amount of work to get a perfectly acceptable grade (usually somewhere in the B+, A- range). It was my last semester and I was taking a psychology class. It was going pretty well, but there was a big project that felt kind like it was going to take more effort than I wanted to exert. I didn't want to interfere with my GPA, so I did what any slacking overachiever would do: I took a pass. At this point, I can't remember what grade I would have gotten, but I'm pretty sure it would not have negatively affected my GPA; hell, it might have even nudged it up a little bit. But I gave myself a pass because I just didn't feel like doing the work.

As adults, it becomes easier and easier to give ourselves passes because not only do we get more better (yes, I said more better) at rationalizing our behavior, we also no longer get in trouble by mom and dad. We do it in every aspect of our lives: finances, relationships, health, career, children, etc. Some of the things we should do (as much as I hate that word) are really things that we must do but we just don't want to. It may stem from other underlying issues including low self-esteem and fear. Or, in my case above, sheer laziness.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes passes are necessary. It's very easy to go the opposite direction, where we can become so focused on an objective, that it's not good for us. Ever been around someone who's obsessed with their weight/career/love/money? We're not a lot of fun because life requires balance; we become boring and flat if we're only talking about one aspect of our lives all the time. If you're exercising everyday, it's okay to have a piece of cake. If you've been putting in 65 hours a week at work, for the love of all that's holy, take a day off! Not only do we become boring, we become more prone to stress and physical ailments. However, there is a thin line between a genuine inability to do something and the passes we give ourselves because we don't want to do it or deal with it.

Here are some common rationalizations (or passes) to some common issues:

1. "I deserve these shoes because I worked so hard today. That's what the credit card is for."
2. "I'm so tired, I don't think it would be good for me to go to the gym."
3. "I don't have a boo right now, so it's okay for me to still mess around w/my ex."
4. "I should probably go get that bump on my arm checked out, but I'm too busy to go to the doctor."
5. "I know I need to go back to school to get ahead in my career, but it takes too long and it's so expensive."
6. "I've been so hard on myself about my weight; it's not coming off, so I guess I am supposed to be 5'4 and 200lbs. Where's the cake?"

Sound familiar? Yeah, me too.

I'm not saying that every time we make a decision about what we're going to do, whether it be avoiding exercise or buying new shoes, we're giving ourselves a pass. We have every right to change our minds and our paths; that's what free will is about. I fully endorse accepting ourselves for who we are, which includes accepting our limitations. However it's important to be honest with yourself: is this pass deserved or really just another excuse? At the end of the day, we're the most accountable to ourselves.

So...I guess I'll be putting those shoes back. (But I did work really, really hard...kinda. See philosophy stated in the first paragraph.)