There are dandruff flakes, cornflakes, flaky pastries, chocolate flakes and according to Wikipedia, flake is slang for cocaine (who knew?). There is flake tobacco, nanoflakes, lithic flakes, a song and a movie named "Flake" and apparently a manga called Flakes (again, credit is due to Wikipedia). While I'm an expert on flaky pastries, the rest of the list is pretty foreign to me. There is one last flake though...
Siblings with the People-Pleasers, the Flake is someone we all know and love to hate (or hate to love depending on who you are). We all have at least one person in our lives that we've come to begrudgingly accept that 9 times out of 10, they are not going to show up/call/follow through when they say they will. It could be a co-worker, a family member, a significant other, a friend, or unfortunately for you, all of the above. On a good day, it's annoying. On a bad day, it feels hurtful and disrespectful. While flakes come in all ages, shapes, races and genders, there are generally two kinds of flakes: the ones who are covertly people-pleasers and the ones who are dirtbags who don't care about your time or feelings. Hopefully, the Flakes in your life fall under category one; it makes their flakiness a little more palatable.
How can flakes be people-pleasers when their behavior is so inconsiderate? One of the great things about the Flake is their optimism. They believe with all their heart that they can be at 4 different places at the same time. They don't want to disappoint anyone by saying no, so they say yes...to everything. Strangely enough, as humans, we can't be at 4 different places at the same time (shocking!). The Flake, however, hasn't quite grasped this concept. Inevitably, they end up not showing up somewhere and pissing someone off. Then, because they don't want to deal with disappointing someone, they avoid letting people know they aren't going to show up, thus increasing the level of pissed-offedness.
You might be reading this and saying, "Hmm, this sounds familiar. Do I know someone like this?" After reflecting for a minute, you might realize that it could be you. You are the Flake! Let's confirm it to make sure. Here are 7 signs that you might could be considered a flake:
1. Your friends stop inviting you to events because you never come.
2. When you pick someone up, they aren't dressed yet because they didn't believe you'd show up.
3. People comment on how they weren't expecting you to come...even though you said you were.
4. When you arrive at a dinner party, there isn't a place setting for you because they weren't sure you were coming.
5. Co-workers seem to avoid working on projects with you, despite all your grace and charm.
6. When you say you're going to do something, people often respond with "I won't hold my breath."
7. Your friends ask you repeatedly if you're sure you're going to attend, even when you're at the event.
Sound familiar?
Now, if you're like me, I have a really difficult time dealing with flakiness; it is one of my top 5 pet-peeves. However, because some of the people I love most happen to be flakier than a croissant, I've learned a few coping strategies: Invite them to do whatever it is you were already planning to do. If they can't make it, it's fine because you were going to do it anyway. Invite someone else besides them. Try not to take it personally (this is something I'm working on) and be honest with them about how much it bothers you. If they're not a dirtbag flake and they truly value your relationship, that will hopefully motivate them to do better.
If you're a flake, it is possible to change your ways. We can excuse our behavior to ourselves, but it paints a negative picture to others. When you're considered a flake, people see you as unreliable and it's easy to dismiss you as not being a person of your word. Although most of the time the intentions behind saying yes are good, there's a lot of power in saying "Maybe" or "I'm not sure." It gives you some leeway; it's not a full-on commitment and if you can't go, then your friends already know that you might not attend. If you can go, everyone is so happy to see you and those invitations might start coming your way again.
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