I grew up deeply entrenched in middle class values. Although my parents didn't always have middle class money, there was a certain worldview to which I was exposed. I learned that success meant obtaining higher education, having a high-paying career, buying a house, having a nice car and going on vacations. Maybe you acquire a spouse and a couple of kids along the way to make it a little more worthwhile. If you want, throw in a dog to sweeten the pot and make the movie version of your life that much more interesting.
According to this worldview, I am supremely unsuccessful. Oh snap! And now stupid Beverly is trying to whisper some I-told-you-so's and shoulda-woulda-couldas in my ear. So rude. Ain't nobody got time for that!
Maybe supremely unsuccessful is a bit harsh. I do have a couple of degrees and I am actually extremely good at going on vacation. The other stuff...not so much. Does that truly mean that I'm not successful?
Fortunately for me, my perspective has significantly changed over the years. I've had enough life experience and exposure to a bigger world that I'm not so inclined to believe that those things are true indicators of success. It's not that I don't want any of those things, I do. I want the money, money and a car, car and the clothes...the hoes, I suppose. Well, I'd trade the hoes for a housekeeper, but you get what I'm saying. However, there are costs to all those things, costs that aren't often factored in until you get there. Unless you're an heiress (still an aspiration of mine) or a lottery winner (my retirement plan), in order to achieve all those things, you must be willing to commit and sacrifice.
Enter the inner-struggle.
Like I said, sure I want stuff, that's the American way. But what's more important to me than having stuff is doing stuff. What makes it hard to do stuff? Not having enough money AND not having enough time. Because you have to go to work. So that you can earn money. To buy/do stuff. That you don't have time to do because you're at work. See the conundrum?
Some things are definitely worth it. Building a life with someone you love, creating another person - those seem like good investments. Working 70 hours a week so you can make a $873 car payment...not so much. I guess that's where the bohemian side comes out. I don't want to spend all my time at work; I am deeply afraid of being so attached to my stuff that I continue working in an environment that's detrimental to my health. I don't want expensive labels or a fancy car to signify my importance. So what's a middle class girl to do? Forget all that she learned? Derive success from planting trees and picking flowers?
Um, no. (Although planting some trees can earn you a lot of money...and possible jail time.)
I'm working on redefining success for myself. It means not comparing myself to my peers, not worrying about what my old car says about me (hello, no car note!) and figuring out how to stretch my little dollars into fun getaways that involve the beach and plenty of sangria. It means finding happiness in my life without getting caught up in how it should be (hush, Beverly). I'll admit, it's easier said than done. A new car would be quite lovely...but if it means I have to spend all my time at work to pay for it, I'll be driving my car until the wheels fall off.
*Before you get your panties in a bunch, I acknowledge this is a first world issue. Heal the world, Kumbayah, text 23407532 to send money to a Nigerian who just needs your bank account number to deposit funds for safe keeping, I know it's a privilege to even consider this to be a "struggle".
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