The Silent Treatment

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That was my rendition of the silent treatment in a blog. Obviously, I could just not write anything, but how would you know that I was giving you the silent treatment? It's only effective if the person knows that you are intentionally not talking to them. But why would I give you the silent treatment? Could it be that you're not reading my blog consistently? Or maybe you're not commenting? How about you haven't reposted it on FB or Twitter enough times? Maybe I'm in a bad mood and deciding to take it out on you. Or it could be that I'm tired of green monkeys wearing blue tutus to the after party at the taco truck. Whatever the reason, I'm not telling you because I'm not talking to you. Did you peep the ellipses?

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Wait, where are you going? I'm not done giving you the silent treatment.

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Okay, I think I'm done now.

Anyone who has been on the receiving end of the silent treatment will tell you that it is extremely frustrating dealing with someone who stops talking to you...for no apparent reason. Obviously, there is a reason, but because your friend/boo/family member/co-worker is no longer in communication, you are left alone to jump to conclusions. Did you forget a birthday? Did you ignore the thing they asked you not to ignore? Did you say something spectacularly wrong? Clearly, it's the green monkeys in blue tutus because what else can it be?

As a mature adult, the best way to deal with a silent treatment is to let your silent tormentor know that you understand they are feeling some kind of way. When they are ready to have a conversation about the issue, you are ready to listen and you are here for them. You are willing and able to work on the relationship with them. Then y'all can hold hands and sing Kumbaya.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhht. And those green monkey are chilling at my house right now.

Forget about the mature adult, let's talk about us, the real adults. I don't know about you, but I don't like being punished like I'm a child. That's exactly what the silent treatment is - punishment. The silent tormentor feels that you've aggrieved them in some kind of way, so to "teach" you not to do that again, they withdraw and withhold.

Not cool.

Again, your response could be really mature and thoughtful. But if I'm being treated like a child, I just might act like one. "Oh, you're giving me the silent treatment. Well, I'm giving it right back to you." When the original tormentor is done being mad, you're now upset and silently treatmenting them back. And guess what? Nothing gets resolved. What ends up happening is that resentment and frustration build up because needs are not getting met and the original issue doesn't get dealt with. It also sets up an unhealthy and childish relationship dynamic in which no one is communicating. You can forget all about singing Kumbaya.

Now some may argue that they disengage because they don't want to say something out of anger. If you feel you cannot appropriately regulate your anger, it's important that you acknowledge that before taking a time out. Telling your tormentee that you are feeling some kind of way right now and will talk to them when you have calmed down is one of the best things you can do. While they may still suffer through trying to figure out what they did to upset you, at least they know there's a reason for your silence. It will also decrease the likelihood they will try to punish you back. However, don't leave them hanging for too long. If you want your relationship to be a happy and healthy one, it's crucial to keep the lines of communication open. After all, how are they going to know about your green monkey fatigue if you don't tell them?