VS.
It's Wednesday night and there's relief on the horizon - the weekend! You
You: Hey you, how are you?
Them: I'm good, just relaxing.
You: Yeah, it's been a long day. I just wanted to see if you wanted to do something this weekend.
Them: Oh, I don't know, I have some things in the mix.
You: Oh, okay, what are you going to be doing?
Them: You know, maybe hanging with friends, might catch a movie, get something to eat. Things like that.
You: Well, let's make plans to hang out this weekend, I want to see you.
Them: Yeah, I'll check in with you and see what you're up to.
You: Okay.
In your text, you say okay. In real life, you are highly irritated. Since it's still in the pre-DTR phase, it feels a little uncomfortable to get irate; you can't show your crazy all at once. This can easily lead us down the "If they were interested in me, they would make plans with me" path, which is definitely a possibility not to be ignored. However, there is the possibility of something else - they just might not be someone who likes to plan. You may end up spending the whole weekend with them for all you know.
As someone who has a lot of planner tendencies, this drives me crazy bananas.
One of the most difficult aspects in navigating relationships are our differences. While it definitely makes life more interesting, it can also cause a lot of stress and frustration when the differences are diametrically opposed. Can a teetotaler be with a wine enthusiast? Can a neat-freak live with a hoarder? Sure; if both people are invested, they can make it work. It just takes A LOT of patience and compromise on both ends.
When it comes to the planner and the flow-er, there are other underlying factors that contribute to the differences between the two. For example, a planner tends to be punctual while a flow-er tends to run a bit behind schedule. A planner is often very organized - the spice rack is alphabetized and their underwear is neatly folded and grouped together by color. Meanwhile, a flow-er is still looking for that left shoe that might be in their closet - or is it in the trunk of the car? - in 2009. While this may be seemingly benign, there are many folks out there who don't understand one another for these exact reasons. (Seriously, why would you only have one shoe, possibly in the trunk of your car? Where the f*ck could the other shoe have gone? Aren't they a pair?!)
Luckily, with some love and patience, each one can learn from the other. While a planner's way of life may seem a little easier to follow since it's so well organized, sometimes they* can be rigid and have a difficult time relaxing. They get so caught up in their itinerary and having to be somewhere by a specific time to do a specific thing, they miss the double rainbows in life. With a flow-er, their easy-going approach to time can lead to spontaneous adventures that no one can ever really plan. However, there is also a downside. Sometimes we miss out on opportunities because we didn't act in a timely manner. Or we end up spending more money because of late fees. Or we lose important things in the clutter and disorganization.
So how do the planners and flow-ers navigate their differences? Obviously, they plan to navigate things in a timely and orderly fashion. Just kidding. There is a way to meet in the middle. Maybe the flow-er give the planner a time and a place to meet and the planner lets go of their list of things to do. Maybe the planner lets the flow-er know the importance of an event so they'll be on time, but punctuality won't be important for every event. Regardless of the solution, the most important part is that both people are willing to work towards finding one that works and is respectful of the differences. Over time, that flow-er may keep both shoes in their closet (at the same time even) while the planner may allow their paprika to sit next to the cinnamon on the spice rack.
*I said I have planner tendencies. You should see the trunk of my car (although every shoe that's in there has its match and a reason)!
So I am most definitely the flow-er in life, no surprise. It's very easy to have one shoe in the trunk since 2009 and the other in the house -- you take a spare pair of shoes w/ you in case you want to change into them later, decide not to, then clean out your car l in a rush by stuffing half the stuff in your trunk, the other half eventually goes upstairs. The one shoe gets pushed to the back of the closet and 2 yrs later you finally really get to clean out your trunk and find the shoe and think wow, I haven't seen these in a while! :-)
ReplyDeleteI love my flow-er self and it also is very annoying. I wish I was more organized. I enjoy that I am open to things but also wish I could commit to things much sooner. I do try though!
BTW, love the double rainbow vid, had me cracking up!