The 90-Day Rule

In the book and subsequent movie, "Think Like A Man, Act Like a Lady,"* one of the more controversial assertions was that a lady should wait 90 days before having sex with her male partner. Most folks who have had sex before (and like it) tend to moan and groan. "That's too long!" and "We're adults, we know what we're doing," and "It's just sex, why do we have to be so serious about it?" There was also a sexist undertone to it; if you are a woman who enjoys having sex on day 8 instead of waiting until day 90, you will not keep the man you want. He will think less of you and will not consider you to be wifey material. There are so many inherently wrong issues about this train of thought...but that's not my focus this time.

I think I might could possibly think about considering agreeing with the 90-day waiting period.

Hear me out before you start flinging drawls and condoms my way!

The sexist sentiment behind it - that a man does not value a woman who sleeps with him early on or that the end goal for women should be marriage - I do not agree with any of that bullsh*t. However, I'm beginning to think there's something else in waiting to get naked with someone. Could it be that my inner-horny 15-year old boy (Seamus) needs to calm down and actually get to know someone first before getting it in? 

This isn't a new concept; I have several friends who have claimed this is actually a good thing. I was quick to discount their experiences** (what do they know, they're only in healthy, successful relationships) because now that we're adults, we don't have to wait if we don't want to. We can have sex with whomever we want, whenever we want. Not to say that it's a good idea; we can also have ice cream and sardines for breakfast and stay out all night drinking Schlitz Malt Liquor (I don't recommend doing either of these, by the way). After some serous reflection on my choices, good and less good, I think I've finally come to understand what the waiting is about - it's building the relationship, creating intimacy without using sex as the foundation.  

See, even though I believe strongly that sex can create a false sense of intimacy, I haven't all the way committed to behaving as if I believe that. I'm It's so easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment. Before you know it, you're knocking boots with someone who's last name you just barely learned. Nothing's wrong with that FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD, but it's also very easy to confuse all those feel-good hormones with a genuine connection. Depending on what you're looking for, that may very well end up being a disaster in the making.

3 months may seem arbitrary, yet in thinking about my dating experiences as well as the experiences of others, from my unscientific, totally-limited-to-people-I-know perspective, it seems that is a pretty good amount of time to get to know someone. Of course, you continuously learn new things about your boo as time goes on, but those first 3 months give you a pretty solid idea of who you're dealing with. You may not learn about their beanie baby collection right away, but you won't be to surprised when you do. Most importantly, you figure out if they are someone you can/want to deal with. When you get caught up in the sex haze, your judgment can get cloudy and you may stick around longer than you need to.

This is not to discredit all the happy couples that whored it up slept together sooner than later; obviously, there's no scientific data that correlates how early you have sexy times to the longevity of a relationship. Everyone has to figure out what works for them and I'm gonna see about these here 90 days. Seamus will just have to keep it in his pants.

*Please do not assume that I like Steve Harvey based on my referencing his book and movie. He is a clown.

**It was really Seamus. He's such a knucklehead.