Me: Why the F is my bill $3 more?!
Self: It's just $3, you spent more than that on Candy Crush Saga** trying to get extra moves and sh*t.
Me: But that means I'm going to have to reconfigure my budget. That $3 adds up.
Self: Why are you getting indignorant* about $3? You can pay it.
Me: It's about the principalities involved. Is it a one time charge or is this increase for real? I can't even deal with this right now.
Self: Sigh. You're being really extra right now.
Me: This $3 is extra!
Self: Just pay it. It's no big deal.
Since today is pay day (aka pay all your bills and be broke all over again day), I got ready to pay my internet bill, $3 increase and all. Then it occurred to me - how many times have I just let something slide and put up with it because it was the easier thing to do? Or because I didn't want to make a big deal of something that seems kind of small?
Oh snap! This is not about a bill anymore.
We deal with stress on some level every day. Whether it's about work, money, relationships, or the people who keep breaking into your car, we easily get stressed out. In order to not get overwhelmed, we are encouraged not to sweat the small stuff (and to get a medicinal marijuana card for our anxiety). However, it's the unsweated small stuff that starts to add up until it's become a big stuff. Before you know it, you're calling AT&T, yelling at someone in India for increasing your internet bill $3.
(That didn't actually happen. Her name was Carmen and she was in Bakersfield. I did not yell. But we'll come back to that.)
How do you address the small stuff without becoming a nag? This is a very difficult task, especially since the definition of nag is often a source of conflict between partners (and genders). It takes effective communication skills, which also includes active listening and empathy. We often take a victim role - "My boss/partner/friend is doing this to me," when in reality, they are usually unaware of what they are doing. We get frustrated and angry about it and it comes out in how we address it, putting them on the defensive and nothing gets accomplished. However, if someone is engaging in a behavior that bothers you or makes you feel some kind of way, it is important to address it in the moment, regardless of how small it may seem.
Everyday, we make a decision about how we allow the world to treat us. While some of us go the more aggressive route of confronting every little issue with any and everybody, most of us try to avoid conflict as much as possible. Not necessarily because we're wussies (although some of us are), but because it's easier and we don't want to make a big deal out of something seemingly small. Yet, there comes a point where we have to start putting our foot down; over time, those little things we let slide can send a message that we will tolerate being treated any kind of way. This can lead to resentment and passive-aggressive behavior and you may find that yourself without internet service because you're "getting them back" by not paying your bill.
So I decided instead of automatically paying the extra $3, I was going to investigate and see what this was all about. I had a very lovely conversation with Carmen, who explained that the increase was mentioned in the February bill (who actually looks at their online PDF bill?!) but she would happily allow me to pay the regular fee this month and start the increased rate next month. Then she tried to sell me some extra technology, which I politely declined and we got off the phone, relationship intact.
Really Carmen, if I'm griping about $3, do you think I want to pay another $80 more per month? Silly rabbit!
*indignorant - indignant about ignorant sh*t
** do not play this game unless you plan on selling your soul (or your kidney) just to clear some freakin' jelly!
No comments:
Post a Comment