DFS

I know I've talked about my dating life before. Unfortunately, it hasn't improved. My friend D has begged me several times to write a book specifically about my dating experiences. After recounting several dating horror stories to a new acquaintance, I realized something: I have been through some sh*t! From the guy who may or may not have had a psychotic disorder to the one who stood me up because he went to JAIL to the guy who kept wanting to touch my hair, I've had enough. After a lot of introspection and self-reflection, I figured out exactly what's going on - I have DFS.

DFS - Dating Fatigue Syndrome

Do you or a loved one suffer from DFS? Here are some of the symptoms:

1. A bitter taste in your mouth when talking about relationships.
2. A sour expression on your face at the mention of dating.
3. An overwhelming feeling of exhaustion when you think about trying to date again.
4. Continuing your off and on relationship with an ex as to avoid dating someone new.
5. Increasing difficulty in suppressing the urge to punch your relative (including your mama) in the face every time you're asked about when you're going to settle down with someone.
6. Pure, unadulterated skepticism when it comes to other people's dating success.
7. You start shouting expletives at the television every time a Match.com or Eharmony commercial comes on.
8. You write a letter to Steve Harvey for dating advice.
9. You heckle romantic comedies.
10. When your mom wants to introduce you to the nice person from her church who's 15 years older, questionably employed with 3 divorces and 4 children under their belt, you say "Why the f*ck not?"
11. If getting laid means having to date, you'd rather be celebate.

If you are experiencing at least 3 of the symptoms listed above, you may have DFS.

FAQs

1. How does one get DFS?
DFS tends to afflict those in the 30+ crowd (although it doesn't mean you're immune in your twenties). You've been in the game for quite some time and have had enough negative (and crazy) experiences, both with relationships and dating, to make you contemplate whether it's worth it or not. When you're leaning more toward "not", it's a sign that you may be developing a case of DFS.

2. Is it contagious?
Although technically it's not contagious, when many of your peers and close friends are experiencing it, it increases the likelihood that you will get it and at a much faster rate.

3. What symptoms should I be most concerned about?
Let's not minimize any of the symptoms listed above - they are all concerning. However, the one to watch out for the most is #8. Okay, #11 is pretty bad too.

4. How can one avoid DFS?
In order to avoid contracting DFS, it is imperative that you avoid dating any soul-sucking, emotionally damaged people. Unfortunately, it's nearly impossible to avoid having at least one or two experiences with these folks. More than that and it's almost guaranteed that you'll develop DFS at some point in the future. It's also really helpful to surround yourself with people who have great romantic relationships.

5. Is there a cure for DFS?
It is recommended that you take a break from dating and investing time in improving yourself and developing other interests and hobbies. Go yachting. Learn how to bake eggplant. Make macaroni necklaces. Do something other than focus on your lack of love life. Often, when you start pouring your energy into other things, the right person will come into your life. However, keep in mind that once you have DFS, it's very difficult to completely get rid of it. The symptoms will remit, but it's very easy to have a flare up after another bad experience.

6. Is there at least some medication I can take for it?
At the time of this writing, there is no pill that can be administered for DFS. I'm sure in the next few years, there will be a pill for it; if you can take one for restless legs, you should be able to get one for DFS. However, until that happens, please be careful; keep your eye out for those symptoms.

DFS is nothing to be ashamed of. It's very common; your neighbor may have it, the trainer at the gym may have, the lady that works at the DMV most definitely has it. However, if it goes on for too long, you may find yourself permanently bitter and jaded, joining the ranks of the emotionally damaged that caused your DFS in the first place. Please, do not ignore this and get the support you need.