The End of the Road

You move to Motownphilly for an exciting job opportunity. As expected, it's a little tough out there on the social scene, but you're finally invited to a party. You meet some folks and start hanging out. It's at brunch/happy hour/the club when you meet that person, your future baby boo. Before you know it, your life is in full swing once again. Yay, happy times!

Until they're not.

You're not sure how it happened, but like a too-tight sweater, your relationship doesn't fit anymore. You don't laugh as easily, the level of affection has declined, you bicker and argue all the time; you're just not interested in them anymore. When they say they'll make love to you, you say no thanks. Regardless of the reason, the water has run dry. Yet, you don't leave. You stay, trapped in a miserable relationship. Why? I mean, it seems straightforward enough - if you're unhappy and disinterested, you should leave. Right?


If only it were that easy, but sympin' never is.

One of the most important elements of humanity is attachment. It (hopefully) starts with our parents/primary caregivers; that attachment often sets the stage for how we make friends and form intimate relationships. Within those relationships, whether it's with a romantic partner, family member or friends, we allow the other person to see our truest self - eye boogers, morning breath and all. They've seen you at your best and your worst; how do you end it with someone who knows you so intimately?

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

That's why we stay. Despite the unhappiness, the craziness, the misery, it's difficult to imagine your life without this person in it. They know you and you know them. You've shared experiences and stories and secrets; they know about your abandonment issues and you know about their mommy issues. They know how to brighten your day and make you feel better. You know the exact ratio of peanut butter to jelly to put on their sandwich. There's all this love and history...how can you say goodbye to it?

Oh right, you're frickin' miserable.

And probably more than a little scared, particularly if this is a romantic relationship. What if this is the only person in the whole wide world that can stand you? What if you never meet anyone else who understands and supports your habit of having dark chocolate (which is good for you because it has antioxidants or something in it) for breakfast and cursing like a sailor? Will the next person inspire enough comfort for you to go boo boo in their bathroom? Most importantly, how are you going to deal with the pain? These unknown answers can be enough to make you stay...despite the unhappiness, craziness and misery. And until you are able to accept that this person will no longer be a part of your life, until you are able to move past your fear, you will stay.