It was my senior year of high school. As I changed my clothes, a classmate (not a friend) asks me if I was still a virgin. Although it really was none of her business, I thought nothing of it when I said yes. Her response was "Stay that way," and she walked out. Um, okay. I didn't understand what she was talking about; to this day, I still don't as I remain a virgin.
Hahahahahaha. I couldn't even write that with a straight face!
As an adult, I now can recognize the wisdom in my classmate's words. As young, stupid, horny teenagers, many of us were in a hurry to be deflowered. If you were lucky, you lost your virginity to someone who cared about you, maybe even puppy-loved you a little bit and it's a cherished memory. Maybe you had rules and regulations; you had to be together this long before you would do this, and that long before you would do that. But once you start having sex, it's difficult to go back to not having sex. A lot of those rules and regulations get thrown out the window, right along with your drawls.
What are the rules of sex? According to Jill Scott, you should wait until the 5th date, to make sure that they're worthy (and not crazy). Some folks say you should do it when it feels right. Others say one should adhere to the 90 day rule. Unfortunately, most of these rules are the responsibility of the woman (in a heterosexual situation) to uphold. Men are encouraged to see how far they can get, but to be respectful of a woman's boundaries. This is not to say that some men don't have their own rules about sex; I just haven't talked to those guys.
Considering the all the potential pratfalls of sex (unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, no orgasm), many of us have a very casual attitude about it. There are all kinds of casual sexual relationships - booty calls, friends with benefits, out of town dalliances - all of which can be fantastic for those who engage in them. However, can having sex early impede the development of true feelings for someone else? Can it get in the way of getting to know someone or does it merely enhance the experience?
There's no absolute way to determine that, as each of us has varied experiences that contribute to our beliefs and feelings about sex. Yet, there seems to be an underlying belief that if a woman has sex with a man too soon, the chance of their encounter leading to a serious relationship diminishes greatly. For some folks, their goal is to not be in a relationship, so they're as happy as clams getting laid with no-strings. But for those who want to be in a relationship, sex can be difficult to navigate.
So should you wait?
If you're attracted to someone and really like them, there's a good chance there is some kind of emotion involved (for both men and women). When emotions are involved, sex becomes a lot more than a naked indoor sport. It can be easy to have a false sense of intimacy with someone you don't quite know yet nor have sorted out all your feelings. Of course, you're not going to know everything you need to before having sex, but is one date (or even 5 dates) enough time to figure out if you really like this person, so much so that you would allow them to see your scars and stretch marks (not to mention your awkward O face)?
So should you wait?
Yes.
No.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
No.
It depends. If your goal is merely to get some, get some! If you want to get to know this person, you might could wait a little while...after all, it's really hard to ask about their favorite movie in the midst of doing it. It's really up to you and your potential partner to decide what's right for the both of you. Sex isn't going to go anywhere, so take as much time as you need, whether it's 3 months, 3 weeks, 3 days or 3 minutes.
I hope it's more than 3 minutes though. Slut. ;)
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