You could have sworn you've been in love before, but this one...maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, your nose is wide open! You're doing and saying things you never imagined would come out of your mouth:
"Yes, let's wake up at the butt crack of dawn to watch the sunrise!"
"No, I do want to watch Project Runway/basketball playoffs/Storage Wars with you."
"Hmm, I wonder if my baby would like diamond earrings/season tickets/a new car."
If your life was a scene from a movie, it would be the falling-in-love montage where you're holding hands while skipping on the beach, kissing the little bit of cookie crumb off their lips, and celebrating the anniversary of the first time you saw each other across a crowded room at an event you were dragged to by that friend that makes you go places when you don't feel like it. This is what makes falling in love so awesome.
And for some, so frickin' scary.
While all that skipping and hand-holding feels amazing, falling in love can also feel dangerous and terrifying. You're relinquishing your (perceived) control over your emotions; this other person can greatly impact your day, your week, your month, your life, both positively and negatively. If you haven't worked through your baggage, the fear of being hurt is so great that it can lead to sabotaging behavior, especially if underlying your fear is insecurity and jealousy.
In the majority of relationships, most people will experience these emotions at some point or the other; after all, we are human. Loving someone romantically involves a lot of trust and the belief that this other person (over whom you have no control) will be kind and respectful of your love. Hopefully, you give and receive this kindness and respect and your feelings of jealousy and insecurity are fleeting. However, if your inclination (baggage) is to be mistrustful, jealous and insecure, it becomes the norm to give your partner the side-eye for anything they do.
Before you know it, you become suspicious of everything. Why did it take so long to respond to your text? Why did they get home so late? Who is that chick/dude always commenting on their status updates? How come they didn't answer their phone? What the f*ck are they doing when you're not around? Wait...you know exactly what they're doing. Dirt. Dirty dirt, the kind meant to destroy you! Oh hell naw, you will not sit idly by while they are out running the streets doing their dirt. So you do what any (in)sane, (ir)rational adult would do - you start digging.
Digging, snooping, searching, investigating, whatever you want to call it, is the act of a mistrustful person. Guess what? Whatever you're looking for, you are sure to find. Not necessarily because you caught them doing something, but because you will interpret your findings as proof, regardless of what you find, regardless of their explanation. Once you go down this path, it's very difficult to stop; you'll start checking their email and their phones regularly. Your eyes and ears will be on alert at all times, trying to trip them up and catch them in a lie. Eventually, your baby boo will figure it out and they'll stop communicating with you because no matter what they tell you, you will believe they are lying. They become sneakative and may even begin doing what you've accused them of.
Boom! Your fear of being hurt becomes your reality. You know you get charged extra for all that baggage right?
If you have a reason to be mistrustful in this relationship (i.e catching your boo cheating, lying or engaging in a behavior that makes it challenging to trust them), you may want to re-examine your reasons for staying with this person, as it still doesn't make snooping a legitimate activity. It's also not a good look; you look like the crazy person! If you are suspicious of your mate doing something unsavory, talk to them about it. Of course, if they are, the likelihood of them admitting it is low, but if you can't shake that feeling and you don't feel you can trust them, again, you may want to re-examine your relationship and if it's worth staying.
Now if you are on your way out of the relationship and want to satisfy your suspicions...get out that shovel!*
*I'm kidding - mostly. There are always exceptions to the rule and I know someone has a story or two about how snooping saved their life or at the very least, their favorite pair of shoes.
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